This was dope man, especially because I just became a Dad. Main advice I'd give from two weeks in: husbands ARE needed in the lives of their children before 6 months. You'll often hear it put otherwise, but that's just not right. Do all you can to bond with your baby and support your wife. It's all circular - caring for one cares for the other.
This was lovely and really resonated as another new-ish member of this parenting club
As for #2, a piece of wisdom I appreciated especially the first year, is that everything is a phase and none of them last too long. It's a nice balance of appreciating the adorable and not getting too phased by the rough patches - they're often gone in a few days
What a beautiful post — I appreciate your curiosity for what’s to come :) My favorite part of my childhood was Friday night movies. This was a time before I hung out with friends from school or even my neighborhood (an apartment complex so it’s not like they were even far) for sleepovers. My dad would rent a DVD from the Indian grocery store in our town (in the days before streaming, of course). My mom would buy grocery store pizza dough, Prego sauce, and mozzarella cheese. And my parents, brother, and I would sit on our green velvet couch and watch a Tamil movie. As the years went on, we expanded to movies in English like Lion King and Harry Potter. And as more time went on, I had moved onto sleepovers at friends’ homes where I’d fall asleep to Nickolodean playing and wake up in the middle of the night to George Lopez because we forgot to turn the tv off. I moved away from home a year ago, and I go back to the soundtracks to those Tamil movies. Hearing music in my native tongue is healing in ways I have a hard time verbalizing. But the memories that are so deeply tied to them are somehow the antidote to whatever grief I feel about growing up. I especially love the memories where I’d pretend to fall asleep just so my dad to carry me to bed and tuck me in :) when I visit home now, even at 27, I sometimes ask him to tuck me in. These memories I get to relive through music of those movies bring me closer to my family despite our complicated relationships. All this to say, make memories that are rituals with your kids before their social lives expand beyond their immediate family. Maybe one day, if they are far from home, it will bring them similar comfort. Wishing you and your wife all the love and joy as you enter this new adventure :)
this is such a beautiful post and so resonant for those of us who want to build our own model household order. I only know you a little but I have a feeling you and A are going to provide the one thing that brought me the most joy in my childhood: a sense of freedom and a sense that it was acceptable to be weird as long as I was kind. I got this more from adults in my life who were not my parents and it was clutch.
Congratulations to you and your wife! I don't know you - I'm just a fan of your work - and I don't have children, but two things I appreciated deeply from my parents:
1. They shared my joy. When I was young, I got really into tennis, which wasn't really a part of our working class milieu. But my parents watched all the matches with me and developed their own rooting interests. In the pre-GPS 1980s, when we rarely left eastern Pennsylvania, I drew up a plan for us to drive to NYC to go to the US Open, including mileage costs and everything. My dad looked at me, the conflicting emotions of NO WAY and 'you really put some thought into this' fighting for supremacy on his face. Long story long, we went several times, they loved it and they told people about those trips for years. Most importantly, I learned the feeling of not having to stem the flow of my love for something important to me with the people who were most important to me. I wish that feeling on everyone.
2. My niece had a lot of difficulties in her teens that caused immense harm to her mother (my sister). The legal system got involved; it was a nightmare that resulted in my niece having no contact with my sister or our family. Eventually my niece called my parents (her grandparents) and said she wanted to see them again, and my dad said, "You're welcome to come over. I'm going to tell you what I think about what you did, but I will only tell you that once; after that, I'll never bring it up again." He was a man of his word. At the time, I thought, how could you betray my sister, your daughter, in that way and let her back into our lives in any capacity? But his eye was on the real prize: reuniting mother and daughter. Sure enough, my parents' house became the family Switzerland, the place where my sister and niece could meet during big family holidays and reestablish contact with no pressure. My sister and niece healed the rift and remain close to this day, 15 years after that incident. So I learned two things from that: Love is sometimes (often? always?) more important than justice, and you can create the conditions for that love to flourish.
Please forgive the length. I'd love to see my parents' perception and wisdom ripple out into the world.
Many congratulations!! So happy for you & I know you two have one lucky kid.
Re: #1, I'd say it's a pretty ongoing conversation ... certain chores are pretty set, by person, and that's nice, but then a big deadline wells up for one partner so the other picks up the slack ... but then we're both tired and need to recalibrate ... and then sometimes we fall into less-than-equal habits and need to revisit and revise the near-term plan. Finding time to just talk business about the household (who's doing what this week, how schedules will work, etc.) is both difficult and essential. I don't have a solution for that, but I just hope the heads up is somewhat useful.
really enjoyed reading this post! thank you for sharing and congrats!!! to #3, i always really enjoyed traveling and road trips with my family. it was a great way to experience new places and laugh and bond and those are some of my favorite memories
This was dope man, especially because I just became a Dad. Main advice I'd give from two weeks in: husbands ARE needed in the lives of their children before 6 months. You'll often hear it put otherwise, but that's just not right. Do all you can to bond with your baby and support your wife. It's all circular - caring for one cares for the other.
This was lovely and really resonated as another new-ish member of this parenting club
As for #2, a piece of wisdom I appreciated especially the first year, is that everything is a phase and none of them last too long. It's a nice balance of appreciating the adorable and not getting too phased by the rough patches - they're often gone in a few days
What a beautiful post — I appreciate your curiosity for what’s to come :) My favorite part of my childhood was Friday night movies. This was a time before I hung out with friends from school or even my neighborhood (an apartment complex so it’s not like they were even far) for sleepovers. My dad would rent a DVD from the Indian grocery store in our town (in the days before streaming, of course). My mom would buy grocery store pizza dough, Prego sauce, and mozzarella cheese. And my parents, brother, and I would sit on our green velvet couch and watch a Tamil movie. As the years went on, we expanded to movies in English like Lion King and Harry Potter. And as more time went on, I had moved onto sleepovers at friends’ homes where I’d fall asleep to Nickolodean playing and wake up in the middle of the night to George Lopez because we forgot to turn the tv off. I moved away from home a year ago, and I go back to the soundtracks to those Tamil movies. Hearing music in my native tongue is healing in ways I have a hard time verbalizing. But the memories that are so deeply tied to them are somehow the antidote to whatever grief I feel about growing up. I especially love the memories where I’d pretend to fall asleep just so my dad to carry me to bed and tuck me in :) when I visit home now, even at 27, I sometimes ask him to tuck me in. These memories I get to relive through music of those movies bring me closer to my family despite our complicated relationships. All this to say, make memories that are rituals with your kids before their social lives expand beyond their immediate family. Maybe one day, if they are far from home, it will bring them similar comfort. Wishing you and your wife all the love and joy as you enter this new adventure :)
this is such a beautiful post and so resonant for those of us who want to build our own model household order. I only know you a little but I have a feeling you and A are going to provide the one thing that brought me the most joy in my childhood: a sense of freedom and a sense that it was acceptable to be weird as long as I was kind. I got this more from adults in my life who were not my parents and it was clutch.
hope to see y'all around!
Congratulations to you and your wife! I don't know you - I'm just a fan of your work - and I don't have children, but two things I appreciated deeply from my parents:
1. They shared my joy. When I was young, I got really into tennis, which wasn't really a part of our working class milieu. But my parents watched all the matches with me and developed their own rooting interests. In the pre-GPS 1980s, when we rarely left eastern Pennsylvania, I drew up a plan for us to drive to NYC to go to the US Open, including mileage costs and everything. My dad looked at me, the conflicting emotions of NO WAY and 'you really put some thought into this' fighting for supremacy on his face. Long story long, we went several times, they loved it and they told people about those trips for years. Most importantly, I learned the feeling of not having to stem the flow of my love for something important to me with the people who were most important to me. I wish that feeling on everyone.
2. My niece had a lot of difficulties in her teens that caused immense harm to her mother (my sister). The legal system got involved; it was a nightmare that resulted in my niece having no contact with my sister or our family. Eventually my niece called my parents (her grandparents) and said she wanted to see them again, and my dad said, "You're welcome to come over. I'm going to tell you what I think about what you did, but I will only tell you that once; after that, I'll never bring it up again." He was a man of his word. At the time, I thought, how could you betray my sister, your daughter, in that way and let her back into our lives in any capacity? But his eye was on the real prize: reuniting mother and daughter. Sure enough, my parents' house became the family Switzerland, the place where my sister and niece could meet during big family holidays and reestablish contact with no pressure. My sister and niece healed the rift and remain close to this day, 15 years after that incident. So I learned two things from that: Love is sometimes (often? always?) more important than justice, and you can create the conditions for that love to flourish.
Please forgive the length. I'd love to see my parents' perception and wisdom ripple out into the world.
Many congratulations!! So happy for you & I know you two have one lucky kid.
Re: #1, I'd say it's a pretty ongoing conversation ... certain chores are pretty set, by person, and that's nice, but then a big deadline wells up for one partner so the other picks up the slack ... but then we're both tired and need to recalibrate ... and then sometimes we fall into less-than-equal habits and need to revisit and revise the near-term plan. Finding time to just talk business about the household (who's doing what this week, how schedules will work, etc.) is both difficult and essential. I don't have a solution for that, but I just hope the heads up is somewhat useful.
But mostly, congratulations & best wishes!!
Memories are precious and long lasting. Make them happy. Congrats Dad. From a certified Daddy's girl.
really enjoyed reading this post! thank you for sharing and congrats!!! to #3, i always really enjoyed traveling and road trips with my family. it was a great way to experience new places and laugh and bond and those are some of my favorite memories
Congratulations! So proud of you two 🙂
I wish you all the blessings in this next chapter.